Dual Reality

Monday, December 18, 2017


Some great scientists say that the only difference between human and animal is humans create dual reality. Name it as creativity, religion, myth, imagination, whatever - those are forms of dual reality; that we see what we do not see. And here I am, being trapped in my dual reality.

This year is harsh for me. I am free from a stressful job in a stressful city, without expecting another stressful condition: being alone.  Last year I was lonely, but now, I am alone - literally. My five closest women moved out of the city. I had chances to visit three of them in Bandung and Bali, and the others, I only had chances to call her because she resides in Papua, and other one only through texts since she continues her study in Uncle Sam country. I lost five closest connection that share common interests with me: art, environment, and economics - at the same time. I create a dual reality every time I sit alone in front of my computer, that I try to be happy alone.

Then another crappy things ahead: I am frustrated by ethical review for my three researches in my campus and that I need more challenge in work, I know I need a friend. I try to make new close friends, but always fail. I often later found a fundamental thing that differs me to the so-called "new" friends. I am no better than them, I am not saying my stance is better, it is just that we are different.

I easily grow fondness to strong young women, who respect arts and science in the same proportion, the women who really knows what she wants to do in her life. Because with growing a healthy relationship with these women, I grow stronger and inspired every single time we have coffee or tea, or talking about silly things in life. They make me realize what I really want to do in my life, what kind of job I really want to pursue, what skills I require, and all things that I am doing right now, are inspired by them. I learn about economics, arts, writing, love, traveling, military spirit, sports - even cosmetics, from them. My dual reality - just like arts. Sometime, what is delivered to our eyes cannot be interpreted the same way they are.

Now I really miss them.

But here I create my dual reality again: I believe that this is the challenge that I need to step on it, a period when you and your closest friends are being apart, chasing each other's dream, and in several years you will meet them again in the more mature, experienced, and lot-of-stories-to-tell individual. Fortunately, during this period, an older woman came to my life and taught me many things to be stronger than I was.

Last night I dreamed that I was having such a good time with my partner, then I went upstairs and met those ladies, one by one.

Dual reality helps human seeks meaning and self-worth, and that is mine.

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