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| Bali myna (Leucopsar rothschildi) in Bali Barat National Park sanctuary |
In my college years, I had no privilege to go to a National Park other than for recreational purposes - mostly just to hike a mountain. My first educational visit to National Park was to Glacier National Park. Shortly after, I had the chance to visit Komodo National Park to help a group of Komodo dragon scientists to monitor the giant lizards there. That was my ticket to other National Parks visitation.
It didn't stop there. I got to know so many great people as I visited more Nature Reserves and National Parks, dated several of them, and got so much take-home learning. One of those is men.
In the Komodo team, I always adore the two lead scientists in terms of how they treat their wives. These men never made a joke about women as long I observed them when we were at the fieldwork - even when someone triggered one. They respect their wives by being loyal when they're not around their wives. When they must be in the field for months, I heard from their old friends, and they had no girlfriends; it was okay for them. The similarity between these two men is they are both religious (in their religion, having an extramarital relationship is forbidden), and they are educated to respect women.
I tell you what - this is rare.
I was shocked for the last three weeks after reading Neil deGrass Tyson's sexual allegation. My thesis supervisor warned me long ago that I need to carefully pick a man as a life partner because cognitive ability, sometimes, is not positively correlated with attitude. Turns out, it's true. I met a man who is a genius (up until now, I still do think he is the smartest guy whom I've ever known and dated), but he is (or was, never know) a hot-headed person, resulting bad attitude to the woman he's dating. I met a man who worked for women's empowerment but cheated. I met a man who introduced his girlfriend to the concept of fidelity, yet he was the one who made justification for sleeping with another woman when he was lonely. And I know a man whom I've known for more than two decades, who justified his reason to re-marry for the sake of filling his emptiness despite his children's objection.
And so many other men with their own stories.
But I know the similarity between these men:
They are not average men. They have a position in their job, smart brains, and are somewhat wealthy, and it may result in the feeling of power ownership.
The thing is, males possess a higher social dominance orientation compared to females, and it is moderated by group identification. The more men remember what group they belong to, the higher need for dominating they have. Take on daily lives example: most CEOs, preachers, presidents, or even fictional classic superheroes are males. These are positions that reflect social dominance. Maybe it is not because women don't have the empowerment or capabilities to lead - but they just don't want to. How many tribes in the world own a matriarchal system? Not so many - even in Africa, a group of women needs to get out of their original village to form a new matriarchal place.
Now here's the funny thing.
Social dominance orientation has a reciprocal longitudinal relationship with empathy.
This is why women are more engaged in education and environmental problem because these two require empathy.
Bad times and sh*t happen. I always try to omit gender factors when someone does something really bad to me - but it is indeed hard. Men and women could be wrong.
And again, as science has to have a falsifiability aspect, all these things about how men feel more dominant, proved by science, could be wrong.
Despite all of the heartbreaks, I never regret what happened.
Each experience taught me a valuable lesson in life. There is a saying when we grow older, we'll have fewer friends. It is not because we turn bad, but we're more selective and focus on the relationships that we want to nurture. So all of these experiences taught me to look for people who do not need to feel that they have control over something.
And this is a good lesson.
I am now surrounded by people who respect their significant ones' feelings without the need to sacrifice anyone's feelings.
My life has never been better.
